Cooties: The Complete History
WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY SOUND INSANE, AND I’M HERE TO SAY IT TOTALLY IS.
In the beginning, there was Earth. As the most primitive form of life began to form on Earth, there was also an organism that very few knew about. Cooties. These beings were created for the sole purpose of females being able to rule the Earth.
You see, my friends, when cooties were being formed they would attach on to these other organisms. But, the only organisms they were able to thrive in were what we now know as women. So, for a long time no man / male organism had cooties. Then, came teh smeckz. This is when cooties began spreading to males. Even if it was not teh smeckz, even contact with a female organism would make a small number of cooties infect the male.
When the male was infected, he was pretty much helpless against the woman. As you know, in the early years of partnership the man and the woman seem happy. But then the contact begins to rise, and it seems like their lives are at a climax. Then, they start to lose interest in each other, and the male pretty much gives up on the woman and does what she says.
That said, the process of fully infecting the male to a point where he will obey the female could take years. But, for the women, time does not matter. Their ultimate goal is to infect every male with cooties.
Cooties have also severe cases, which we know better as HIV and AIDS. These are extremely large amounts of cooties that infect someone at once, and causes the process of obeying to speed up. But, this is a flawed technique. Women can also get HIV and AIDS, but it does not effect them as severely. They will become more vulnerable to the male being able to control them, but with the amount of cooties the female constantly bestows upon the male, it hardly makes a difference.
The horror of it all is that cooties are still on the rise, even today. There is no cure.
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